These Rooms

Writing as a Spiritual Experience

2008-04-27T20:11:00.000-04:00

Writing can be a true spiritual discipline. Writing can help us to concentrate, to get in touch with the deeper stirrings of our hearts, to clarify our minds, to process confusing emotions, to reflect on our experiences, to give artistic expression to what we are living, and to store significant events in our memories. Writing can also be good for others who might read what we write.

Quite often a difficult, painful, or frustrating day can be "redeemed" by writing about it. By writing we can claim what we have lived and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys. Then writing can become lifesaving for us and sometimes for others too.

--Henri Nouwen

Setting Boundaries

2008-04-27T19:57:00.002-04:00

Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we're struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it's okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

Today, God, help me to know that I don't have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity -- even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it's okay to take care of myself.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go. Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Progress in Humility and Responsibility

2008-04-26T20:34:00.000-04:00

All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271

To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Four--and to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother.

from Daily Reflections copyright AAWS

Rewards of Meditation and Prayer

2008-04-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

"Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and purposeless. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter."

Bill W., Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 105
As Bill Sees It, p. 117

Thought to Consider . . .

Prayer is asking a question; meditation is listening to the answer.

AA Thoughts for Today

the Power of Self Acceptance

2008-04-10T10:57:00.002-04:00

"Self-esteem and the ego are inversely related; like a see-saw, when one goes up the other goes down. Self-esteem, though, is not an all-or-nothing proposition; rather, it runs along a spectrum with many shades of gray. And the more self-esteem we have, the more "reality" we let in, and so the more clearly we can see our lives and the impact of our choices...

"When we lack self-esteem, we are often unable to look at ourselves as the cause of the problem, because we cannot afford to be wrong emotionally. Instead of conceding that we erred, we prefer to believe that "The world is unfair," or "People are crooked." Thus, the seedlings of neuroses and paranoia take root. Before our conscious mind is forced to accept an unpleasant reality, we may also realign values...something has to give. (While most people with low self-esteem will refuse to accept responsibility, those with even more extreme low self-esteem may beat themselves up and become angry and annoyed with themselves. Healthy self-esteem allows a person to recognize his mistakes, without condemning himself OR the world.)

..."A person who is emotionally unwell reacts to conflicts in the following ways: "You are wrong," or "This is just how I am." There is little room for, "I was wrong," the acknowledgment of personal responsibility. Such a person deflects the world and his own insecurities and, in the process, grows weaker, because the psychological self can only develop through acceptance. This is our emotional immune system. In the person who lacks self-esteem, the deflection response engages at all times. Everything is considered a threat to his psychological security.

"Every time we refuse to acknowledge the truth about any aspect of ourselves (or condemn ourselves for being imperfect), we send the unconscious message, 'I am inadequate.'

..."Denying the truth does not make it go away. It makes us -- the real us -- go away. If we are completely honest with ourselves (and by extension, with others), then the ego does not engage. It only survives and thrives in a world of falsehood. Unless we can accept ourselves, we cannot see past ourselves. We are too busy judging, blaming, and distorting our world.

"Once we have fully accepted something about ourselves or our lives, we no longer need to hide from it. We don't care who knows about it or who finds out, and we don't allow the reality to hold us back. At this point, our fears dissolve, because there is no longer a threat of exposing ourselves... The truth, once embraced, can never be bruised or injured, yet a delusion can be shattered by a whisper or a glance.

"There is nothing wrong in seeing ourselves as less than perfect; it is honest and healthy. This is a far cry from the person who sees his imperfections and then condemns himself as worthless or lacking. Unless we can accept ourselves, we cannot see past ourselves. We are too busy judging, blaming, and distorting our world..."

Read more in Rising Above Our Nature, Part One from which the foregoing was quoted.

Complacency: Too Busy for Recovery

2008-04-10T10:11:00.000-04:00

"We must use what we learn or we will lose it, no matter how long we have been clean." Basic Text, p. 82

After putting some clean time together, some of us have a tendency to forget what our most important priority is. Once a week or less we say, "I've gotta get to a meeting tonight. It's been.. " We've been caught up in other things, important for sure, but no more so than our continued participation in Narcotics Anonymous.

It happens gradually. We get jobs. We reunite with our families. We're raising children, the dog is sick, or we're going to school at night. The house needs to be cleaned. The lawn needs to be mowed. We have to work late. We're tired. There's a good show at the theater tonight. And all of a sudden, we notice that we haven't called our sponsor, been to a meeting, spoken to a newcomer, or even talked to God in quite a while.

What do we do at this point? Well, we either renew our commitment to our recovery, or we continue being too busy to recover until something happens and our lives become unmanageable. Quite a choice! Our best bet is to put more of our energy into maintaining the foundation of recovery on which our lives are built. That foundation makes everything else possible, and it will surely crumble if we get too busy with
everything else.

Just for today: I can't afford to be too busy to recover I will do something today that sustains my recovery.

Just For Today Copyright Narcotics Anonymous

Slip Sliding Away

2008-04-10T09:17:00.000-04:00

"Slips can often be charged to rebellion; some of us are more rebellious than others. Slips may be due to the illusion that one can be 'cured' of alcoholism. Slips can also be charged to carelessness and complacency. Many of us fail to ride out these periods sober. Things go fine for two or three years--then the member is seen no more.

Some of us suffer extreme guilt because of vices or practices that we can't or won't let go of. Too little self-forgiveness and too little prayer--well, this combination adds up to slips.

"Then some of us are far more alcohol-damaged than others. Still others encounter a series of calamities and cannot seem to find the spiritual resources to meet them. There are those of us who are physically ill. Others are subject to more or less continuous exhaustion, anxiety, and depression. These conditions often play a part in slips--sometimes they are utterly controlling."

Copyright ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC. - As Bill Sees It

Came to Believe

2008-02-21T08:49:00.003-05:00

In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting. By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgment, and criticism, and instead to listen and hear. I heard someone say that AA works for those who work it, those who put action into the program.

For me, at that time, action consisted of simply showing up at an AA meeting and following the suggestions I heard. I heard that I should forget about yesterday and tomorrow and instead concentrate on today and staying away from the first drink today -- now. I tried it, and it worked.

The first step in the process of "coming to believe" had been taken.

c. 1973 AAWS, Came To Believe . . ., p. 42

Thought to Ponder . . .
I came; I came to; I came to believe.

AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
A B C = Acceptance, Belief, Change.

AA Thought for the Day (courtesy AAOnline.net)

Me, Irrational? That's Not Rational

2008-02-19T09:40:00.003-05:00

Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have any idea how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, can bear to face it. Some will be willing to term themselves "problem drinkers," but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill. They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.

"Sanity" is defined as "soundness of mind." Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyzing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell on the dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claim "soundness of mind" for himself.

c. 1953 AAWS, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp. 32-33

Thought to Ponder . . .
Many things can be preserved with alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

AA Thought for the Day(courtesy AAOnline.net)

Alcohol is Poison to the Alcoholic

2008-02-18T10:35:00.002-05:00

Alcohol is poinson to the alcoholic. Poison is not too strong a word, because alcoholism leads eventually to the death of the alcoholic. It may be a quick death or a slow death. When we go by package stores and see various kinds of liquor all dressed up in fancy packages to make it look attractive, we should always make it a point to say to ourselves so we'll never forget it: "That stuffs all poison to me." And it is. Alcohol poisoned our lives for a long time. Do I know that since I'm an alcoholic all liquor is poison to me?

from "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" -- ©Hazelden Foundation.

a Mustard Seed

2008-02-13T11:50:00.002-05:00

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

"'You can, if you wish, make A.A. itself your "higher power." Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they are certainly a power greater than you, who have not even come close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them. Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will find many members who have crossed the threshold just this way. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith broadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obsession, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talk of God.'"

© 1952, AAWS, Inc.Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pgs. 27-28

the Disease Concept and Moral Responsibility

2008-02-02T09:37:00.001-05:00

"Some strongly object to the A.A. position that alcoholism is an illness. This concept, they feel, removes moral responsibility from alcoholics. As any A.A. knows, this is far from true. We do not use the concept of sickness to absolve our members from responsibility. On the contrary, we use the fact of fatal illness to clamp the heaviest kind of moral obligation onto the sufferer, the obligation to use A.A.'s Twelve Steps to get well.

"In the early days of his drinking, the alcoholic is often guilty of irresponsibility. But once the time of compulsive drinking has arrived, he can't very well be held fully accountable for his conduct. He then has an obsession that condemns him to drink, and a bodily sensitivity to alcohol that guarantees his final madness and death.

"But when he is made aware of this condition, he is under pressure to accept A.A.'s program of moral regeneration."

--Bill W., from a talk given in 1960, from As Bill Sees It

Really Real

2008-02-02T09:13:00.000-05:00

“In the Big Book, it says that ‘most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics’ [p. 30]. When I hit my bottom, I was broken in every area. A.A. gently, slowly removed the garbage from my spirit—the hate, the resentment—and then began to heal my heart with real love, real respect and real trust.”

from Box 459, the GSO bi-monthly bulletin of Alcoholics Anonymous

Cut Off at the Pass

2008-01-31T13:25:00.000-05:00

A.A. Thought for the Day

A drinking life isn't a happy life. Drinking cuts you off from other people and from God. One of the worst things about drinking is the loneliness. And one of the best things about A.A. is the fellowship.

Drinking cuts you off from other people, at least from the people who really matter to you, your family, your coworkers, and your real friends. No matter how much you love them, you build up a wall between you and them by your drinking. You're cut off from any real companionship with them. As a result, you're terribly lonely. Have I gotten rid of my loneliness?

Meditation for the Day

I will sometimes go aside into a quiet place of retreat with God. In that place, I will find restoration and healing and power. I will plan quiet times now and then, times when I will commune with God and arise rested and refreshed to carry on the work that God has given me to do. I know that God will never give me a load greater than I can bear. It is in serenity and peace that all true success lies.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may strengthen my inner life, so that I may find serenity. I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness and peace.

from "Twenty-Four Hours A Day" ©Hazelden Foundation
via12StepSoulFoodForTheSpirit

the Love Thought System

2008-01-31T13:17:00.000-05:00

There are two systems of thought that are available for us to choose from. One is the love-thought system and the other is the fear-thought system. If we choose love, we will see the laws, principles and values of the Creator. If we choose fear, the results will be so paralyzing that it will cause us to take over and not rely on the Great Spirit. The fear-thought system will automatically cause attack, conflict, need to control over others. The love-thought system seeks peace of mind, unity and causes us to be love seekers.

Great Spirit, today let me see only love.

From WhiteBison.org

Happiness is Available if We Work For It

2008-01-27T10:54:00.000-05:00

We're all after the same thing, and that's happiness. We want peace of mind. The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular way we wanted to get it -- by the alcohol route.

And we weren't successful.

But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.

c. 1980 AAWS, Dr. Bob and the Good Oldtimers, p. 308
AA Thought for the Day (courtesy AAOnline.net)

Dealing with Difficult People

2008-01-26T09:26:00.000-05:00

"Do you remember the story of St. Francis and the leper? St. Francis loathed the leper. He couldn't bear to see him around, even though he felt guilty about feeling that way. However, one day, a great feeling of compassion swept over him. He put his arms around the leper, blessed him, and expressed his love for him. According to the story, the leper was healed and St. Francis healed of his loathing for the leper.

"Sometimes we find it as hard to bless and forgive someone as it must have been for St. Francis. But he put his arms around that body covered with sores and both were healed. The same thing happens to us when we put love to work in healing a relationship crisis. Everyone gets healed.

"When we are dealing with difficult people it's hard to look at them, the loathsome ones, and say in our minds all the good things we are supposed to say. We are advised to forgive when it's so much easier to bear a grudge. If we forgave, we would have to give up the feeling of being a victim. We would have to give up our favorite stories. It would be hard to do. We've worked on them a long time, perfecting them, getting the sequence of events in the right order, omitting nothing...

"When we are faced with adifficult person or problem, it is important that the decisions we make and actions we take must not be out of panic and anger, but out of quietness and an inward look for divine guidance. We tend to become consumed by our problems. We dwell on the ugliness of the person who is giving us so much trouble, and lose sight of the fact that every problem person provides us with an opportunity to practice what we preach. There is a solution to every difficult situation. We forget that this too shall pass...

"We can be a victim or we can take courage from the knowledge that God is right in the center of the situation, and work on the solution. When we use universal principles in solving a problem, it is solved in the most wonderful way. Divine Mind, God, has this loving way which allows us to grow through everyday situations, and to experience joy when we finally understand that it was all a cosmic puzzle for us to solve.

"Do you have a problem person or persons in your life? Give thanks for them and the valuable lessons they have to teach you. Give thanks for them and the lessons learned. The Universe will say, 'Well done, now, here's another one for you handle. Let's see what you learn from thisone.'"

from Getting It Right This Time by Dr. Delia Sellers. Visit her website at http://www.abundant.atfreeweb.com

At One with the Spirit

2008-01-25T10:47:00.001-05:00

A.A. Thought for the Day

In A.A. we're all through with lying, hangovers, remorse, and wasting money. When we were drinking, we were only half alive. Now that we're trying to live decent, honest, unselfish lives, we're really alive. Life has a new meaning for us, so that we can really enjoy it. We feel that we're some use in the world. We're on the right side of the fence, instead of on the wrong side. We can look the world in the face instead of hiding in alleys. We come into A.A. to get sober and if we stay long enough, we learn a new way of living. Am I convinced that no matter how much fun I got out of drinking, that life never was as good as the life I can build in A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

I want to be at one with the Divine Spirit of the universe. I will set my deepest affections on things spiritual, not on things material. As we think, so we are. So I will think of and desire that which will help, not hinder, my spiritual growth. I will try to be at one with God. No human aspiration can reach higher than this.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may think love, and love will surround me. I pray that I may think health, and health will come to me.

From Daily Reflections ©Hazelden Foundation

Constructive Review of Character Defects

2008-01-25T10:17:00.000-05:00

"Also ask your heart to purify and cleanse this defect and harmful desire. Ask also the help of the inner father and mother. Every time we eliminate a defect, we build our soul, our inner temple. We ascend. like going up a stairway."
--Willaru Huayata, QUECHUA NATION, PERU

The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of our character defects if we constructively review our conduct each day, asking where we are resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Remember, we need to review constructively, not destructively. Destructive review is when we ask, "what's the matter with me anyway." or "how could I be so stupid?" These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect our self esteem. In constructive review we ask, "what will I do next time?" With constructive review we progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom.

My Creator, allow me to have my defects because through them I gain in knowledge of Your will.

Elder's Meditation from White Bison

The 12 Steps We Arrived With

2008-01-22T15:40:00.000-05:00

1. We admitted we were powerless over nothing - that we could manage our lives perfectly and those of anyone who would allow us.

2. We came to believe that there was no power greater than ourselves and the rest of the world was insane.

3. We made a decision to have our loved ones turn their wills and their lives over to our care even though they couldn't understand us at all.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone we knew.

5. We admitted to the whole world the exact nature of everyone else's wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to make others give us the respect we deserved.

7. We demanded others do our will because we were always enlightened.

8. We made a list of all persons who had harmed us and became willing to go to any lengths to get even with them all.

9. We got direct revenge on such people wherever possible, except when to do so would cost us our lives or at the very least a jail sentence.

10. Continued to take inventory of others and when they were wrong promptly and repeatedly told them about it.

11. Sought through complaining and medication to improve our relations with others, as we would not understand them at all, asking only that they do things our way.

12. Having had a complete physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame others and to get sympathy and pity in all our affairs.

Anger is an Emotion, Nothing More

2008-01-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

Anger is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our way -- or else repress it.
--Codependent No More

If I were working a good program, I wouldn't get angry.... If I were a good Christian, I wouldn't feel angry.... If I were really using my affirmations about how happy I am, I wouldn't be angry.... Those are old messages that seduce us into not feeling again. Anger is part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can't afford to ignore it.

In recovery, we learn we can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don't have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it.

Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to.

Today, I will let myself be angry, if I need to. I can feel and release my emotions, including anger, constructively. I will be grateful for my anger and the things it is trying to show me. I can feel and accept all my emotions without shame, and I can take responsibility for my actions.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Turning Points

2008-01-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone.

At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity.

Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willing -- and able -- to change.

from Daily Reflections Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

Travel On

2008-01-09T08:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we have to "step over" our anger, our jealousy, or our feelings of rejection and move on. The temptation is to get stuck in our negative emotions, poking around in them as if we belong there. Then we become the "offended one," "the forgotten one," or the "discarded one." Yes, we can get attached to these negative identities and even take morbid pleasure in them. It might be good to have a look at these dark feelings and explore where they come from, but there comes a moment to step over them, leave them behind and travel on.

--Henri Nouwen

Guide My Footsteps

2008-01-06T12:54:00.000-05:00

"When we're through with this earth and all these problems, we don't have to come back. But as long as we're here we have a job to do and a purpose to fulfill and that means dealing with the circumstances around us."
--Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

We are put on the earth to participate in life. We have a beautiful mind, we have the ability to pray, we have the ability to change, we have the ability to accept, and we have choices. All things God created are constantly changing. This constant change causes our circumstances to change. Sometimes we say life is difficult. During these times we need to use our tools: the tools of prayer, and the tools of meditation. We are designed to change and live joyfully on this earth. The only requirement for living joyfully is to live according to the laws, principles and values given to us by the Creator.

Great Spirit, give me Your courage today, and guide my footsteps.

Elder's Meditation of the Day from White Bison

Avoid Tripping Over Molehills

2008-01-03T09:17:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes when we pray, a remarkable thing happens: We find the means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities." Basic Text p. 44

Coping successfully with life's minor annoyances and frustrations is sometimes the most difficult skill we have to learn in recovery. We are faced with small inconveniences daily. From untangling the knots in our children's shoelaces to standing in line at the market, our days are filled with minor difficulties that we must somehow deal with.

If we're not careful, we may find ourselves dealing with these difficulties by bullying our way through each problem or grinding our teeth while giving ourselves a stern lecture about how we should handle them. These are extreme examples of poor coping skills, but even if we're not this bad there's probably room for improvement.

Each time life presents us with another little setback to our daily plans, we can simply take a deep breath and talk to the God of our understanding. Knowing we can draw patience, tolerance, or whatever we need from that Power, we find ourselves coping better and smiling more often.

Just for today: I will take a deep breath and talk to my God whenever I feel frustrated.

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc.