We need to make a distinction between powerlessness and owning our power.
The first step in recovery is accepting powerlessness. There are some things we can't do, no matter how long or hard we try. These things include changing other people, solving their problems, and controlling their behavior. Sometimes, we feel powerless over ourselves - what we feel or believe, or the effects of a particular situation or person on us.
It's important to surrender to powerlessness, but it's equally important to own our power. We aren't trapped. We aren't helpless. Sometimes it may feel like we are, but we aren't. We each have the God given power, and the right, to take care of ourselves in any circumstance, and with any person. The middle ground of self-care lies between the two extremes of controlling others and allowing them to control us. We can walk that ground gently or assertively, but in confidence that it is our right and responsibility.
Let the power come to walk that path.
Today, I will remember that I can take care of my self. I have choices, and. I can exercise the options I choose without guilt.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
February 07, 2006
Life is Not a Test
"We have found a loving, personal God to whom we can turn."
Basic Text p. 27
"Some of us come into recovery with the impression that life's hardships are a series of cosmic tests designed to teach us something. This belief is readily apparent when something traumatic happens and we wail, "My Higher Power is testing me!" We're convinced that it's a test of our recovery when someone offers us drugs, or a test of our character when faced with a situation where we could do something unprincipled without getting caught. We may even think it's a test of our faith when we're in great pain over a tragedy in our lives.
But a loving Higher Power doesn't test our recovery, our character, or our faith. Life just happens, and sometimes it hurts. Many of us have lost love through no fault of our own. Some of us have lost all of our material wealth. A few of us have even grieved the loss of our own children. Life can be terribly painful at times, but the pain is not inflicted on us by our Higher Power. Rather, that Power is constantly by our sides, ready to carry us if we can't walk by ourselves. There is no harm that life can do us that the God of our understanding can't heal.
JUST FOR TODAY:
I will have faith that my Higher Power's will for me is good, and that I am loved. I will seek my Higher Power's help in times of need.
Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Basic Text p. 27
"Some of us come into recovery with the impression that life's hardships are a series of cosmic tests designed to teach us something. This belief is readily apparent when something traumatic happens and we wail, "My Higher Power is testing me!" We're convinced that it's a test of our recovery when someone offers us drugs, or a test of our character when faced with a situation where we could do something unprincipled without getting caught. We may even think it's a test of our faith when we're in great pain over a tragedy in our lives.
But a loving Higher Power doesn't test our recovery, our character, or our faith. Life just happens, and sometimes it hurts. Many of us have lost love through no fault of our own. Some of us have lost all of our material wealth. A few of us have even grieved the loss of our own children. Life can be terribly painful at times, but the pain is not inflicted on us by our Higher Power. Rather, that Power is constantly by our sides, ready to carry us if we can't walk by ourselves. There is no harm that life can do us that the God of our understanding can't heal.
JUST FOR TODAY:
I will have faith that my Higher Power's will for me is good, and that I am loved. I will seek my Higher Power's help in times of need.
Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Forgiveness is a Path to Healing
"In our journey to inner peace and healing, both guilt and forgiveness of self and others have a profound effect on this process. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy; a self-reproach; and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or the ceasing of feeling resentment against an offender. Guilt and lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many people with the heavy weight of inappropriate shame and the destruction of deep-seated resentments. In recent years, much has been written about the destructiveness of repressed emotions and particularly anger and resentment in contributing to life-threatening illnesses.
The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorised to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.
Why won't we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be. We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were 'not good enough.' Messages such as 'you failed' or 'you should' became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences. When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this 'learned attitude' is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behaviour.
This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behaviour. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life. Children grow up believing they are 'not good enough' and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.
What Is Self-forgiveness?
Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that - not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.
Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness
-Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.
-Accept yourself and your humanness - you are not supposed to be perfect.
-Admit when you make a mistake.
-Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.
-Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the 'Now.'
-Confront your emotional pain - own your own 'stuff.'
-Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.
-Say 'I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).'
Gwen Nyhus Stewart, B.S.W., M.G., H.T., is an educator, freelance writer, garden consultant, and author of the book The Healing Garden: A Place Of Peace – Gardening For The Soil, Gardening For The Soul and booklet Non-toxic Alternatives For Everyday Cleaning And Gardening Chores. She owns the website Gwen's Healing Garden where you will find lots of free information about gardening for the soil and gardening for the soul. To find out more about the book and subscribe to her free Newsletter visit http://www.gwenshealinggarden.ca
Gwen Nyhus Stewart © 2004 – 2006. All rights reserved.
Reprinted from this emaxhealth.com post.
The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorised to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.
Why won't we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be. We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were 'not good enough.' Messages such as 'you failed' or 'you should' became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences. When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this 'learned attitude' is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behaviour.
This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behaviour. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life. Children grow up believing they are 'not good enough' and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.
What Is Self-forgiveness?
Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that - not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.
Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness
-Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.
-Accept yourself and your humanness - you are not supposed to be perfect.
-Admit when you make a mistake.
-Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.
-Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the 'Now.'
-Confront your emotional pain - own your own 'stuff.'
-Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.
-Say 'I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).'
Gwen Nyhus Stewart, B.S.W., M.G., H.T., is an educator, freelance writer, garden consultant, and author of the book The Healing Garden: A Place Of Peace – Gardening For The Soil, Gardening For The Soul and booklet Non-toxic Alternatives For Everyday Cleaning And Gardening Chores. She owns the website Gwen's Healing Garden where you will find lots of free information about gardening for the soil and gardening for the soul. To find out more about the book and subscribe to her free Newsletter visit http://www.gwenshealinggarden.ca
Gwen Nyhus Stewart © 2004 – 2006. All rights reserved.
Reprinted from this emaxhealth.com post.
Morning Prayers
Quotations to stir heart and mind.
Compiled by Richard A. Kauffman
LET US KNOW, let us press on to know the Lord; his appearing is as sure as the dawn.
--Hosea 6:3 (NRSV)
I OWE the Lord a morning song of gratitude and praise, for the kind mercy he has shown in lengthening out my days. He kept me safe another night; I see another day. Now may his Spirit, as the light, direct me in his way.
--Amos Herr
LORD GOD, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought us in safety to this new day. Preserve us with your mighty power that we may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity, and in all we do, direct us to the fulfilling of your purpose through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
--Book of Common Prayer
NOW ANOTHER day is breaking;
sleep was sweet, and so is waking.
Dear Lord, I promised you last night
never again to sulk or fight.
Such vows are easier to keep
when a child is sound asleep.
Today, O Lord, for your dear sake,
I'll try to keep them when awake.
--Ogden Nash, excerpted by David Yount in Breaking Through God's Silence
LORD, thank you for this beautiful day!
Please help me to see the beauty in every day, and help others to see the beauty
in your wonders. Guide me through perils toward your brilliant light.
Amen.
--Kate E. Ritger, Prayer in All Things
AWAKE IN THE MORNING, and the first thing you do, thank God for it, even if you don't feel particularly happy about the day which is to come. … Come to God again with two convictions. The one is that you are God's own, and the other is that this day is also God's own; it is absolutely new, absolutely fresh. … This day is blessed by God, it is God's own, and now let us go into it. You walk in this day as God's own messenger; whomever you meet, you meet in God's own way.
--Anthony Bloom, Beginning to Pray
O, OUR DEAR GOD,
we have just gotten up from our bed,
and we ask you kindly:
Let us be reverent before you—
reverent and obedient—
and let us love one another.
--Jan Karafiát, Broucci
Copyright © 2006 Christianity Today.
Technorati Tags: religion, spirituality, recovery, 12-step
Compiled by Richard A. Kauffman
LET US KNOW, let us press on to know the Lord; his appearing is as sure as the dawn.
--Hosea 6:3 (NRSV)
I OWE the Lord a morning song of gratitude and praise, for the kind mercy he has shown in lengthening out my days. He kept me safe another night; I see another day. Now may his Spirit, as the light, direct me in his way.
--Amos Herr
LORD GOD, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought us in safety to this new day. Preserve us with your mighty power that we may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity, and in all we do, direct us to the fulfilling of your purpose through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
--Book of Common Prayer
NOW ANOTHER day is breaking;
sleep was sweet, and so is waking.
Dear Lord, I promised you last night
never again to sulk or fight.
Such vows are easier to keep
when a child is sound asleep.
Today, O Lord, for your dear sake,
I'll try to keep them when awake.
--Ogden Nash, excerpted by David Yount in Breaking Through God's Silence
LORD, thank you for this beautiful day!
Please help me to see the beauty in every day, and help others to see the beauty
in your wonders. Guide me through perils toward your brilliant light.
Amen.
--Kate E. Ritger, Prayer in All Things
AWAKE IN THE MORNING, and the first thing you do, thank God for it, even if you don't feel particularly happy about the day which is to come. … Come to God again with two convictions. The one is that you are God's own, and the other is that this day is also God's own; it is absolutely new, absolutely fresh. … This day is blessed by God, it is God's own, and now let us go into it. You walk in this day as God's own messenger; whomever you meet, you meet in God's own way.
--Anthony Bloom, Beginning to Pray
O, OUR DEAR GOD,
we have just gotten up from our bed,
and we ask you kindly:
Let us be reverent before you—
reverent and obedient—
and let us love one another.
--Jan Karafiát, Broucci
Copyright © 2006 Christianity Today.
Technorati Tags: religion, spirituality, recovery, 12-step
February 06, 2006
Let Go of the Need to Be a Victim
Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us.
We need to let go, on a deep level, of our need to be victimized and to be victims. We need to let go of our need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships, in friendships. We deserve better. We deserve much better. It is our right. When we believe in our right to happiness, we will have happiness. We will fight for that right, and the fight will emerge from our souls. Break free from oppression and victimization.
Today, I will liberate myself by letting go of my need to be a victim, and I'll explore my freedom to take care of myself. That liberation will not take me further away from people I love. It will bring me closer to people and more in harmony with God's plan for my life.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
We need to let go, on a deep level, of our need to be victimized and to be victims. We need to let go of our need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships, in friendships. We deserve better. We deserve much better. It is our right. When we believe in our right to happiness, we will have happiness. We will fight for that right, and the fight will emerge from our souls. Break free from oppression and victimization.
Today, I will liberate myself by letting go of my need to be a victim, and I'll explore my freedom to take care of myself. That liberation will not take me further away from people I love. It will bring me closer to people and more in harmony with God's plan for my life.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Asking and Offering: The Art of Spiritual Trading
We clasp the hands of those who go before us, and the hands of those who come after us; we enter the little circle of each other's arms, and the larger circle of lovers
whose hands are joined in a dance, and the larger circle of all creatures, passing in and out of life, who move also in a dance, to a music so subtle and vast that no one hears it except in fragments.
-- Wendell Berry, Healing
Asking / offering / giving / receiving is one circular motion... As we ask for what we need and offer what we can we become spiritual traders of life's energy, time, abundance, and interrelatedness. Through this practice, we are reminded that everything lives in reciprocal relationship with everything else, whether or not we immediately perceive this relationship, whether or not we choose to be aware of it...
Trading is practice in mindfulness. It slows us down so we may notice the opportunity present in the moment. Through acts of spiritual trading we learn to see that everything is an exchange. Today I will ask for what I need, first by becoming aware of what that is. Today I will offer what I can by holding all the choices I make within an understanding of reciprocity. The trajectory I set into the day is not a straight line; it's a dance of intersections and connections between myself and other people and the opportunities we create as we cross each other's paths...
Today I will offer what I can by being open to surprise and interruption as part of the flow of my intentions. An older neighbor calls to ask if I will bring her mail from the box to her doorstep. Of course I will, though I also know it means fifteen minutes of chatting. I trade a little efficiency for the aid I can provide a neighbor. Someday I will be old and in need of a younger person's kindness. A friend emails the request for a prayer chain for his son. I stop and light a candle on my windowsill, hold the thought of his need for a moment. Someday I will be in need of the prayers of friends and strangers...
Only spiritual trading creates flow. As long as the energy is flowing and cyclical, there is enough to go around. If any one of us stops asking or stops offering, the flow is disrupted and the balance destroyed. We all know people who give and give and give and forget to receive until they collapse into exhaustion, depression, or illness. We all know people who take and take and take and forget to offer until they find themselves alone at the zenith of their careers, divorced from their families and friends. If we become depleted, we have no energy left to respond and no energy left to ask. If we keep demanding without reciprocating, people will respond with resentment or hoard their energy and we will not get what we really need. Perhaps the purpose of this learning cycle, playing out over and over again in our lives, is to help us see the world differently...
This is not a New Age concept. In 1623, in his Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, John Donne wrote his famous soliloquy: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..." He understood. And somewhere inside ourselves I believe we understand. It's just hard to see this reality in our own culture where so much stuff puts us constantly to sleep..."
--excerpted from The Seven Whispers, ©2002, by Christina Baldwin.
About the Author:
Christina Baldwin has taught seminars and workshops internationally for more than twenty years. Her best selling book, Life's Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Culture, she explores the tradition of council and reintroduces it as a modern forum for people to meet and learn from each other. Her educational company, PeerSpirit, Inc., is dedicated to building communities of reflection, adventure, and purpose. She lives on an island north of Seattle. Contact www.peerspirit.com for Seven Whispers study guide and Christina's schedule.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
whose hands are joined in a dance, and the larger circle of all creatures, passing in and out of life, who move also in a dance, to a music so subtle and vast that no one hears it except in fragments.
-- Wendell Berry, Healing
Asking / offering / giving / receiving is one circular motion... As we ask for what we need and offer what we can we become spiritual traders of life's energy, time, abundance, and interrelatedness. Through this practice, we are reminded that everything lives in reciprocal relationship with everything else, whether or not we immediately perceive this relationship, whether or not we choose to be aware of it...
Trading is practice in mindfulness. It slows us down so we may notice the opportunity present in the moment. Through acts of spiritual trading we learn to see that everything is an exchange. Today I will ask for what I need, first by becoming aware of what that is. Today I will offer what I can by holding all the choices I make within an understanding of reciprocity. The trajectory I set into the day is not a straight line; it's a dance of intersections and connections between myself and other people and the opportunities we create as we cross each other's paths...
Today I will offer what I can by being open to surprise and interruption as part of the flow of my intentions. An older neighbor calls to ask if I will bring her mail from the box to her doorstep. Of course I will, though I also know it means fifteen minutes of chatting. I trade a little efficiency for the aid I can provide a neighbor. Someday I will be old and in need of a younger person's kindness. A friend emails the request for a prayer chain for his son. I stop and light a candle on my windowsill, hold the thought of his need for a moment. Someday I will be in need of the prayers of friends and strangers...
Only spiritual trading creates flow. As long as the energy is flowing and cyclical, there is enough to go around. If any one of us stops asking or stops offering, the flow is disrupted and the balance destroyed. We all know people who give and give and give and forget to receive until they collapse into exhaustion, depression, or illness. We all know people who take and take and take and forget to offer until they find themselves alone at the zenith of their careers, divorced from their families and friends. If we become depleted, we have no energy left to respond and no energy left to ask. If we keep demanding without reciprocating, people will respond with resentment or hoard their energy and we will not get what we really need. Perhaps the purpose of this learning cycle, playing out over and over again in our lives, is to help us see the world differently...
This is not a New Age concept. In 1623, in his Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, John Donne wrote his famous soliloquy: "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main..." He understood. And somewhere inside ourselves I believe we understand. It's just hard to see this reality in our own culture where so much stuff puts us constantly to sleep..."
--excerpted from The Seven Whispers, ©2002, by Christina Baldwin.
About the Author:
Christina Baldwin has taught seminars and workshops internationally for more than twenty years. Her best selling book, Life's Companion, Journal Writing as a Spiritual Culture, she explores the tradition of council and reintroduces it as a modern forum for people to meet and learn from each other. Her educational company, PeerSpirit, Inc., is dedicated to building communities of reflection, adventure, and purpose. She lives on an island north of Seattle. Contact www.peerspirit.com for Seven Whispers study guide and Christina's schedule.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
February 03, 2006
Rejecting Shame
Authentic, legitimate guilt is the feeling or thought that what we did is not okay. It indicates that our behavior needs to be corrected or altered, or an amend needs to be made.
Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isn't okay. Shame is a no win situation. We can change our behaviors, but we can't change who we are. Shame can propel us deeper into self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.
What are the things that can cause us to feel shame? We may feel ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem. We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding. We may feel ashamed about certain feelings or thoughts. We may feel ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to show ourselves to others. Some of us feel ashamed just for being.
Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves.
Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life. It's okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings are okay. Our past is okay. It's okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. It's okay to be human and cherish our humanness.
Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.
Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shame's trap. If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that it's okay to be who I am.
From the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isn't okay. Shame is a no win situation. We can change our behaviors, but we can't change who we are. Shame can propel us deeper into self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.
What are the things that can cause us to feel shame? We may feel ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem. We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding. We may feel ashamed about certain feelings or thoughts. We may feel ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to show ourselves to others. Some of us feel ashamed just for being.
Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems. It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves.
Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life. It's okay to be who we are. We are good enough. Our feelings are okay. Our past is okay. It's okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path. It's okay to be human and cherish our humanness.
Accepting ourselves is the first step toward recovery. Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.
Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shame's trap. If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that it's okay to be who I am.
From the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
February 02, 2006
Choose Joy
Joy is what makes life worth living, but for many joy seems hard to find. They complain that their lives are sorrowful and depressing. What then brings the joy we so much desire? Are some people just lucky, while others have run out of luck? Strange as it may sound, we can choose joy. Two people can be part of the same event, but one may choose to live it quite differently than the other. One may choose to trust that what happened, painful as it may be, holds a promise. The other may choose despair and be destroyed by it.
What makes us human is precisely this freedom of choice.
-- Henri Nouwen
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
What makes us human is precisely this freedom of choice.
-- Henri Nouwen
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 29, 2006
Recovery on the Installment Plan
"An alcoholic spends his life committing suicide on the installment plan.--Laurence Peter
None of us woke up one morning and found we had suddenly turned into an addict. We got to be one by practice. And we practiced often. We ignored our families--we left work early--and went drinking and drugging. Daily, we chose chemicals over anything else. Likewise, getting sober is no accident. We work the program. At meetings, we're reminded to help others. We all get sober on the installment plan. A day at a time. We got sick one day at a time; we recover one day at a time.
Prayer for the Day: Today, with my Higher Power's help, I'll be happier, more honest, more sober. Sobriety is like a good savings account. Higher Power, help me to put in more than I take out.
Action for the Day: I'll go over my Step One to remind myself it's no accident I'm an addict."
Technorati Tags: href="http://www.technorati.com/tags/addiction" rel="tag">addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
None of us woke up one morning and found we had suddenly turned into an addict. We got to be one by practice. And we practiced often. We ignored our families--we left work early--and went drinking and drugging. Daily, we chose chemicals over anything else. Likewise, getting sober is no accident. We work the program. At meetings, we're reminded to help others. We all get sober on the installment plan. A day at a time. We got sick one day at a time; we recover one day at a time.
Prayer for the Day: Today, with my Higher Power's help, I'll be happier, more honest, more sober. Sobriety is like a good savings account. Higher Power, help me to put in more than I take out.
Action for the Day: I'll go over my Step One to remind myself it's no accident I'm an addict."
Technorati Tags: href="http://www.technorati.com/tags/addiction" rel="tag">addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Finding Balance in Our Neediness
"We can find the balance between needing people too much and not letting ourselves need anyone at all.
Many of us have unmet dependency needs lingering from the past. While we want others to fulfill our desire to be loved unconditionally, we may have chosen people who cannot, or will not, be there for us. Some of us are so needy from not being loved that we drive people away by needing them too much.
Some of us go to the other extreme. We may have become used to people not being there for us, so we push them away. We fight off our feelings of neediness by becoming overly independent, not allowing ourselves to need anyone. Some of us won't let people be there for us.
Either way, we are living out unfinished business. We deserve better. When we change, our circumstances will change.
If we are too needy, we [change]...by accepting the needy part of us. We let ourselves heal from the pain of past needs going unmet. We stop telling ourselves we're unlovable because we haven't been loved the way we wanted and needed.
If we have shut off the part of us that needs people, we become willing to open up, be vulnerable, and let ourselves be loved. We let ourselves have needs.
We will get the love we need and desire when we begin to believe we're lovable, and when we allow that to happen.
Today, I will strive for the balance between being too needy and not allowing myself to need people. I will let myself receive the love that is there for me."
From the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Many of us have unmet dependency needs lingering from the past. While we want others to fulfill our desire to be loved unconditionally, we may have chosen people who cannot, or will not, be there for us. Some of us are so needy from not being loved that we drive people away by needing them too much.
Some of us go to the other extreme. We may have become used to people not being there for us, so we push them away. We fight off our feelings of neediness by becoming overly independent, not allowing ourselves to need anyone. Some of us won't let people be there for us.
Either way, we are living out unfinished business. We deserve better. When we change, our circumstances will change.
If we are too needy, we [change]...by accepting the needy part of us. We let ourselves heal from the pain of past needs going unmet. We stop telling ourselves we're unlovable because we haven't been loved the way we wanted and needed.
If we have shut off the part of us that needs people, we become willing to open up, be vulnerable, and let ourselves be loved. We let ourselves have needs.
We will get the love we need and desire when we begin to believe we're lovable, and when we allow that to happen.
Today, I will strive for the balance between being too needy and not allowing myself to need people. I will let myself receive the love that is there for me."
From the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
The First Drink Triggers the Obsession
It is the first drink which triggers, immediately or some time later, the compulsion to drink more and more until we are in drinking trouble again. Many of us have come to believe that our alcoholism is an addiction to the drug alcohol; like addicts of any sort who want to maintain recovery, we have to keep away from the first dose of the drug we have become addicted to.
c. 1998 AAWS, Living Sober, p. 5
Thought to Ponder . . .
When a person tries to control their drinking they have already lost control.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
c. 1998 AAWS, Living Sober, p. 5
Thought to Ponder . . .
When a person tries to control their drinking they have already lost control.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Got a Problem? Great
"View all problems as challenges.
Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow.
Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence.
You have a problem? Great.
More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate.
Source: Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
From this conscious living journal post
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow.
Don't run from them, condemn yourself, or bury your burden in saintly silence.
You have a problem? Great.
More grist for the mill. Rejoice, dive in, and investigate.
Source: Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Mindfulness in Plain English"
From this conscious living journal post
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 27, 2006
Beware the Burden of a Busy Mind
"There is a huge tendency, in many of us, to have way too much going on inside our minds, at the same time. It's too crowded in there...Our thinking is relentless. Hundreds of thoughts and decisions about various things are all vying for our attention. There is conflict among our thoughts...
There are all the plans about our future. What are we going to do with our life? What's going to happen later today, next week, next month, and next year? How will we get all of our work done...There's also memory -- all the things that have happened to us in the past...Then there's good old-fashioned worry. What could happen to us -- what could go wrong? How can we prepare for the worst? Throw in a few resentments, goals, and fantasies, and pretty soon it's just too much...It's one thought after another, after another -- all day long. Like a mental game of Ping-Pong, your thoughts are flying back and forth. You are anything but centered.
There are numerous benefits to having less on your mind at any given moment. The first has to do with the way you'll feel. As the sheer volume of data, information, planning, worries, figuring out, and wondering is reduced, even slightly, you will feel as though you've just stepped out of a dark cave and into the sunlight. You'll feel a sense of spaciousness, lightness, and freedom...
You'll also become less tense and reactive. Because your mind will be quieter, you won't feel the impulse to "jump" at everything that goes wrong or is unexpected, or overanalyze every thought regarding the slightest hitch in your plans or expectations. You'll be able to pick and choose which thoughts to give significance to, which ones to honor with your attention, and which ones to attach less significance to, or to simply drop or dismiss...
When our "thought capacity" is on overload, however, the results can be, and often are, disastrous. Little things start to bother us. There is too much to keep track of, and we become frustrated and confused. On the surface, such small stuff might not seem that important, but cumulatively over time, it makes an enormous difference, especially when the stakes are high. Imagine the clarity and wisdom that are needed when we are dealing with really big stuff. A friend, for example, is hurting and needs help. If you have "a thousand things on your mind," how helpful are you going to be?...
The key to calming down and quieting a busy mind is to trust that, if you do, everything will be okay. If you empty your mind, you won't be turning it off. It will still be working. In fact, it will be smarter and work better and more efficiently. A wise, intelligent, and orderly thought process will take over, and the appropriate thoughts will emerge when needed...
This doesn't mean we don't pay careful attention to our schedules, keep a day planner, or think things through. It has nothing to do with losing our "edge." In fact, any edge we have is greatly enhanced. All we're really doing is learning to let go of and release many of the thoughts that are weighing us down; the extra ones that we don't need at any given moment. It's like letting go of a tight fist or taking off a heavy backpack.
The way to begin is to pay calm attention to the level and volume of activity going on in your mind at any given moment. Simply pay attention. Don't judge what you observe, or be hard on yourself. As you spend time observing your own thinking, you will find yourself becoming more "present." You'll feel the peace that comes from training your attention to be where you want to be at any given time.
I titled this strategy "Beware the Burden of a Busy Mind" because being aware of the burden is half the battle. Beyond that, all that's necessary is to gently drop the thoughts that aren't needed at any given time. That's it: just notice them, and let them go. Know that your thoughts will still be there, and that they will reemerge if and when they are needed.
A moment-to-moment busy mind is a huge burden. If you can limit this burden even slightly, you'll be amazed at this new source of creativity, as fresh ideas and insights become more common. As you trust in a quieter, less distracted mind, you'll also be amazed at how much calmer you can feel and how much more perspective you can develop. Then, when big stuff happens, you'll be ready. You'll be able to see exactly what is happening with heightened perspective, without the burden of dozens of smaller issues dominating your attention..."
Excerpted from What About the Big Stuff?, ©2002, by Richard Carlson, Ph.D., the best-selling author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
There are all the plans about our future. What are we going to do with our life? What's going to happen later today, next week, next month, and next year? How will we get all of our work done...There's also memory -- all the things that have happened to us in the past...Then there's good old-fashioned worry. What could happen to us -- what could go wrong? How can we prepare for the worst? Throw in a few resentments, goals, and fantasies, and pretty soon it's just too much...It's one thought after another, after another -- all day long. Like a mental game of Ping-Pong, your thoughts are flying back and forth. You are anything but centered.
There are numerous benefits to having less on your mind at any given moment. The first has to do with the way you'll feel. As the sheer volume of data, information, planning, worries, figuring out, and wondering is reduced, even slightly, you will feel as though you've just stepped out of a dark cave and into the sunlight. You'll feel a sense of spaciousness, lightness, and freedom...
You'll also become less tense and reactive. Because your mind will be quieter, you won't feel the impulse to "jump" at everything that goes wrong or is unexpected, or overanalyze every thought regarding the slightest hitch in your plans or expectations. You'll be able to pick and choose which thoughts to give significance to, which ones to honor with your attention, and which ones to attach less significance to, or to simply drop or dismiss...
When our "thought capacity" is on overload, however, the results can be, and often are, disastrous. Little things start to bother us. There is too much to keep track of, and we become frustrated and confused. On the surface, such small stuff might not seem that important, but cumulatively over time, it makes an enormous difference, especially when the stakes are high. Imagine the clarity and wisdom that are needed when we are dealing with really big stuff. A friend, for example, is hurting and needs help. If you have "a thousand things on your mind," how helpful are you going to be?...
The key to calming down and quieting a busy mind is to trust that, if you do, everything will be okay. If you empty your mind, you won't be turning it off. It will still be working. In fact, it will be smarter and work better and more efficiently. A wise, intelligent, and orderly thought process will take over, and the appropriate thoughts will emerge when needed...
This doesn't mean we don't pay careful attention to our schedules, keep a day planner, or think things through. It has nothing to do with losing our "edge." In fact, any edge we have is greatly enhanced. All we're really doing is learning to let go of and release many of the thoughts that are weighing us down; the extra ones that we don't need at any given moment. It's like letting go of a tight fist or taking off a heavy backpack.
The way to begin is to pay calm attention to the level and volume of activity going on in your mind at any given moment. Simply pay attention. Don't judge what you observe, or be hard on yourself. As you spend time observing your own thinking, you will find yourself becoming more "present." You'll feel the peace that comes from training your attention to be where you want to be at any given time.
I titled this strategy "Beware the Burden of a Busy Mind" because being aware of the burden is half the battle. Beyond that, all that's necessary is to gently drop the thoughts that aren't needed at any given time. That's it: just notice them, and let them go. Know that your thoughts will still be there, and that they will reemerge if and when they are needed.
A moment-to-moment busy mind is a huge burden. If you can limit this burden even slightly, you'll be amazed at this new source of creativity, as fresh ideas and insights become more common. As you trust in a quieter, less distracted mind, you'll also be amazed at how much calmer you can feel and how much more perspective you can develop. Then, when big stuff happens, you'll be ready. You'll be able to see exactly what is happening with heightened perspective, without the burden of dozens of smaller issues dominating your attention..."
Excerpted from What About the Big Stuff?, ©2002, by Richard Carlson, Ph.D., the best-selling author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 26, 2006
The Great Persuader
"Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things make us bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking had to be abandoned. Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 47~
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 47~
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 25, 2006
The "We" of the Program
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
--Step One of Al-Alon
There are many different versions of the First Step for recovering codependents. Some of us admit powerlessness over alcohol or another's alcoholism. Some of us admit powerlessness over people; some over the impact of growing up in an alcoholic family.
One of the most significant words in the First Step is the word we. We come together because of a common problem, and, in the coming together, we find a common solution.
Through the fellowship of Twelve Step programs, many of us discover that although we may have felt alone in our pain, others have experienced a similar suffering. And now many are joining hands in a similar recovery.
We. A significant part of recovery. A shared experience. A shared strength, stronger for the sharing. A shared hopes - for better lives and relationships.
Today, I will be grateful for the many people across the world who call themselves "recovering." Help me know that each time one of us takes a step forward, we pull the entire group forward.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go. Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
--Step One of Al-Alon
There are many different versions of the First Step for recovering codependents. Some of us admit powerlessness over alcohol or another's alcoholism. Some of us admit powerlessness over people; some over the impact of growing up in an alcoholic family.
One of the most significant words in the First Step is the word we. We come together because of a common problem, and, in the coming together, we find a common solution.
Through the fellowship of Twelve Step programs, many of us discover that although we may have felt alone in our pain, others have experienced a similar suffering. And now many are joining hands in a similar recovery.
We. A significant part of recovery. A shared experience. A shared strength, stronger for the sharing. A shared hopes - for better lives and relationships.
Today, I will be grateful for the many people across the world who call themselves "recovering." Help me know that each time one of us takes a step forward, we pull the entire group forward.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go. Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 24, 2006
Gratitude is...
www.gratefulness.org
WORD FOR THE DAY
Tuesday, Jan. 24
Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.
Timothy Miller
How To Want What You Have
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
WORD FOR THE DAY
Tuesday, Jan. 24
Gratitude is the intention to count-your-blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.
Timothy Miller
How To Want What You Have
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 23, 2006
The Golden Rule
"All over the world, there exists a simple precept that, when followed, has the power to end conflict and banish strife. It is the Golden Rule, a key concept in many philosophies and spiritualities that admonishes us to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us." Its meaning is clear: treat others only in ways that you would want to be treated. However, the golden rule is not always easy to follow. It can be a challenge to honor others as we wish to be honored. Yet, when we do so, we bestow a gift of loving kindness on our fellow human beings. And, in honoring others, we honor ourselves.
It is as uncomplicated a tenet as one could wish for. When we live by it, harming another person becomes nearly impossible. The Golden Rule is rooted in pure empathy and does not compel us to perform any specific act. Rather, it gently guides us to never let our actions toward others be out of harmony with our own desires. The Golden Rule asks us to be aware of the effect our words and actions may have on another person and to imagine ourselves in their place. It calls on us to ask ourselves how we would feel if what we were about to do were directed toward us. And yet this rule invites us to do more than not harm others. It suggests that we look for opportunities to behave toward others in the same ways that we would want others to act toward us. Showing compassion, being considerate of others, caring for the less fortunate, and giving generously are what can result when you follow the Golden Rule.
Adhering to the Golden Rule whenever possible can have a positive effect on the world around you because kindness begets kindness. In doing so, you generate a flow of positive energy that enfolds everyone you encounter in peace, goodwill, and harmony."
From the DailyOM.
It is as uncomplicated a tenet as one could wish for. When we live by it, harming another person becomes nearly impossible. The Golden Rule is rooted in pure empathy and does not compel us to perform any specific act. Rather, it gently guides us to never let our actions toward others be out of harmony with our own desires. The Golden Rule asks us to be aware of the effect our words and actions may have on another person and to imagine ourselves in their place. It calls on us to ask ourselves how we would feel if what we were about to do were directed toward us. And yet this rule invites us to do more than not harm others. It suggests that we look for opportunities to behave toward others in the same ways that we would want others to act toward us. Showing compassion, being considerate of others, caring for the less fortunate, and giving generously are what can result when you follow the Golden Rule.
Adhering to the Golden Rule whenever possible can have a positive effect on the world around you because kindness begets kindness. In doing so, you generate a flow of positive energy that enfolds everyone you encounter in peace, goodwill, and harmony."
From the DailyOM.
A Daily Reminder
"Sometime every day relax and get yourself quiet and listen to the chatter in your head. Try to clear your mind so you can ask a question about a problem that you may be working on. Listen for the quiet inner voice that gives you advice. Some call it their intuition. Some know it comes from God. Regardless of what you call it, it will be what is right for you at that time.
Develop this habit of listening and you will realize that God is with you all the time. You are always safe. All you have to do is listen.
My daily reminder is a sign I have on the side of my refrigerator. It says: Good Morning, This is God! I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help. So, have a great day."
From this Be Successful Now post.
Technorati Tags: meditation, prayer, recovery, 12-step
Develop this habit of listening and you will realize that God is with you all the time. You are always safe. All you have to do is listen.
My daily reminder is a sign I have on the side of my refrigerator. It says: Good Morning, This is God! I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help. So, have a great day."
From this Be Successful Now post.
Technorati Tags: meditation, prayer, recovery, 12-step
January 22, 2006
The Voice in the Garden of Solitude
Solitude is the garden for our hearts, which yearn for love. It is the place where our aloneness can bear fruit. It is the home for our restless bodies and anxious minds. Solitude, whether it is connected with a physical space or not, is essential for our spiritual lives. It is not an easy place to be, since we are so insecure and fearful that we are easily distracted by whatever promises immediate satisfaction. Solitude is not immediately satisfying, because in solitude we meet our demons, our addictions, our feelings of lust and anger, and our immense need for recognition and approval. But if we do not run away, we will meet there also the One who says, "Do not be afraid. I am with you, and I will guide you through the valley of darkness."
--Henri Nouwen
Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
--Henri Nouwen
Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 21, 2006
The Key of Gratitude
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
---Melody Beattie
Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.
Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.
One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say, thank you, for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don't like this experience, but thank you anyway.
Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.
Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
---Melody Beattie
Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.
Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.
One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say, thank you, for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don't like this experience, but thank you anyway.
Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.
Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
January 20, 2006
Life Has New Meaning
A.A. Thought for the Day
In A.A. we're all through with lying, hangovers, remorse, and wasting money. When we were drinking, we were only half alive. Now that we're trying to live decent, honest, unselfish lives, we're really alive. Life has a new meaning for us, so that we can really enjoy it. We feel that we're some use in the world. We're on the right side of the fence, instead of on the wrong side. We can look the world in the face instead of hiding in alleys. We come into A.A. to get sober and if we stay long enough, we learn a new way of living. Am I convinced that no matter how much fun I got out of drinking, that life never was as good as the life I can build in A.A.?
Meditation for the Day
I want to be at one with the Divine Spirit of the universe. I will set my deepest affections on things spiritual, not on things material. As we think, so we are. So I will think of and desire that which will help, not hinder, my spiritual growth. I will try to be at one with God. No human aspiration can reach higher than this.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may think love, and love will surround me. I pray that I may think health, and health will come to me.
©Hazelden Foundation PO Box 176 Center City, MN 55012©
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
In A.A. we're all through with lying, hangovers, remorse, and wasting money. When we were drinking, we were only half alive. Now that we're trying to live decent, honest, unselfish lives, we're really alive. Life has a new meaning for us, so that we can really enjoy it. We feel that we're some use in the world. We're on the right side of the fence, instead of on the wrong side. We can look the world in the face instead of hiding in alleys. We come into A.A. to get sober and if we stay long enough, we learn a new way of living. Am I convinced that no matter how much fun I got out of drinking, that life never was as good as the life I can build in A.A.?
Meditation for the Day
I want to be at one with the Divine Spirit of the universe. I will set my deepest affections on things spiritual, not on things material. As we think, so we are. So I will think of and desire that which will help, not hinder, my spiritual growth. I will try to be at one with God. No human aspiration can reach higher than this.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may think love, and love will surround me. I pray that I may think health, and health will come to me.
©Hazelden Foundation PO Box 176 Center City, MN 55012©
Technorati Tags: addiction, alcoholism, recovery, 12-step
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