At a Turning Point

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked for God's protection and care with complete abandon.
-ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone.

At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity.

Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willing -- and able -- to change.

from Daily Reflection copyright AAWS Inc.

Pain Can Be a Friend

As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88

I know the Promises are being fulfilled in my life, but I want to maintain and develop them by the daily application of Step Ten. I have learned through this Step that if I am disturbed, there is something wrong with me. The other person may be wrong too, but I can only deal with my feelings. When I am hurt or upset, I have to continually look for the cause in me, and then I have to admit and correct my mistakes. It isn't easy, but as long as I know I am progressing spiritually, I know that I can mark my effort up as a job well done.

I have found that pain is a friend; it lets me know their is something wrong with my emotions, just as a physical pain lets me know there is something wrong with my body. When I take the appropriate action through the Twelve Steps, the pain gradually goes away.

From Daily Reflections ©Copyright 1990 AAWS, INC.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
c. 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p.417

The Man on the Bed

"…I lay there on that hospital bed and went back over and reviewed my life. I thought of what liquor had done to me, the opportunities that I had discarded, the abilities that had been given me and how I had wasted them, and I finally came to the conclusion that if I didn't want to quit, I certainly ought to want to, and that I was willing to do anything in the world to stop drinking.

"I was willing to admit to myself that I had hit bottom, that I had gotten hold of something that I didn't know how to handle by myself. So after reviewing these things and realizing what liquor had cost me, I went to this Higher Power that, to me, was God, without any reservation, and admitted that I was completely powerless over alcohol and that I was willing to do anything in the world to get rid of the problem...

He had lain awake all night. Down in the pit of his depression, new hope had suddenly been born. The thought flashed through his mind, "If they can do it, I can do it!" Over and over he said this to himself. Finally, out of his hope, there burst conviction. Now he was sure... Then came a great joy. At length peace stole over him, and he slept."

2001 AAWS, Inc., Fourth Edition; Alcoholics Anonymous, pgs. 186-87 p. 189

What Am I Going To Do About It?

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn't wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes.

The only question is: "What am I going to do about it?" Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God's power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others?

Daily Reflection Copyright 1990 AAWS

The Promises

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, Page 83~

They Becomes We

At once, I became a part -- if only a tiny part -- of a cosmos...
--AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225

When I first came to A.A., I decided that "they" were very nice people -- perhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw "them" at meetings-after all, that was where "they" existed. I shook hands with "them" and, when I went out the door, I forgot about "them."

Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know "them" as people. I came to admire "them," even to like "them" and, in spite of myself, to enjoy "them." "Their" practice of the program in their daily lives -- not just in talk at meetings -- attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the "they" became "we." I have not had a drink since.

Daily Reflections
©Copyright 1990 AAWS

Gratitude Replaces Self-Pity

"Self-pity is one of the most destructive of defects; it will drain us of all positive energy."
--Basic Text, p. 77

In active addiction, many of us used self-pity as a survival mechanism. We didn't believe there was an alternative to living in our disease or perhaps we didn't want to believe. As long as we could feel sorry for ourselves and blame someone else for our troubles, we didn't have to accept the consequences of our actions; believing ourselves powerless to change, we didn't have to accept the need for change. Using this "survival mechanism" kept us from entering recovery and led us closer, day by day, to self-destruction. Self-pity is a tool of our disease; we need to stop using it and learn instead to use the new tools we find in the NA program.

We have come to believe that effective help is available for us; when we seek that help, finding it in the NA program, self-pity is displaced by gratitude. Many tools are at our disposal: the Twelve Steps, the support of our sponsor, the fellowship of other recovering addicts, and the care of our Higher Power. The availability of all these tools is more than enough reason to be grateful. We no longer live in isolation, without hope; we have certain help at hand for anything we may face. The surest way to become grateful is to take advantage of the help available to us in the NA program and to experience the improvement the program will bring in our lives.

Just for today: I will be grateful for the hope NA has given me. I will cultivate my recovery and stop cultivating self-pity.

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc.

Quality of Faith

Quality
"To clergymen, doctors, friends, and families, the alcoholic who means well and tries hard is a heartbreaking riddle. To most A.A.s, he is not. There are too many of us who have been just like him, and have found the riddle's answer. This answer has to do with the quality of faith rather than its quantity. This has been our blind spot.

We supposed we had humility when really we hadn't. We supposed we had been serious about religious practices when, upon honest appraisal, we found we had only been superficial. Or, going to the other extreme, we had wallowed in emotionalism and had mistaken it for true religious feeling. In both cases, we had been asking for something for nothing. The fact was that we hadn't really cleaned house so that the grace of God could enter us and expel the obsession."

© 1952, AAWS, Inc. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 32

Nourish Your Precious Self

When someone says, "My precious child," you get an instant feeling of how deeply they love their offspring. Any time someone refers to another person as 'precious', be it a parent, spouse, sibling, friend or mentor, it expresses a special depth, a significant bond of caring.

Every Friday I ask all of you to, "Take care of your precious selves". I use the word 'precious' for a reason.

How often do you say, "My precious self"? Have you ever said it?

Chances are, you haven't. We take extra care of the precious people in our lives, yet we ignore the one precious person who 'is' our life. We push ourselves to exhaustion, demanding more and more of ourselves each day. Our physical, mental and spiritual capacities are depleted by the drive to do more, accomplish more, and be more.

No one can fill up the empty core at the center of your being. When it's empty, it's empty. You're the only one who knows it's empty and you're the only one who can replenish the well.

How much good are doing when you're feeling terrible? How well are you able to respond to the needs of others when your mind is so weary you can't think straight? How are you going to help, or care for another, once you fall face down on the earth from pure exhaustion? What are you really offering, when you have nothing left to give?

Stop depriving yourself of the time you need to relax, refuel and rejoice. Pay attention to your needs and heed their call. The simple act of being gentle and kind to yourself is a profound way to offer your best self - in all your precious glory - to the world.

--Terri McPherson

WiseHearts Love and Friendship Center
www.wisehearts.com/lfc.htm

No Reservations Required

"Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program." Basic Text, p. 76

A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a reservation is the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will surely relapse. What event do we expect will be too painful to bear?

Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover leaves us, we will have to get high. If we lose our job, surely, we think, we will use. Or maybe it's the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable. In any case, the reservations we harbor give us permission to use when they come true-as they often do.

We can prepare ourselves for success instead of relapse by examining our expectations and altering them where we can. Most of us carry within us a catalog of anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can learn how to survive pain by watching other members live through similar pain. We can apply their lessons to our own expectations. Instead of telling ourselves we will have to get high if this happens, we can quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through whatever life brings us today.

Just for today: I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and share them with another addict.

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc.

Willing to Work a Program

Alcoholics do have tremendous willpower. Consider the ways we could manage to get a drink in defiance of all visible possibilities. Merely to get up some mornings -- with a rusting cast-iron stomach, all your teeth wearing tiny sweaters, and each hair electrified -- takes willpower many nondrinkers rarely dream of. . . Oh yes, real drinkers have real willpower.

The trick we learned was to put that will to work for our health, and to make ourselves explore recovery ideas at great depth, even though it sometimes might have seemed like drudgery.

c. 1998 AAWS, Living Sober, p. 84

Change is Growth

Change is the characteristic of all growth. From drinking to sobriety, from dishonesty to honesty, from conflict to serenity, from hate to love, from childish dependence to adult responsibility - all this and infinitely more represent change for the better.

Such changes are accomplished by a belief in and a practice of sound principles. Here we must needs discard bad or ineffective principles in favor of good ones that work. Even good principles can sometimes be displaced by the discovery of still better ones.

Only God is unchanging; only He has all the truth there is.

As Bill Sees It - Only God Is Unchanging
LETTER, 1966
Copyright®1967 AAWS

Surprised by Joy

"A.A. *is* a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A."

© 1990 AAWS, Inc.; Daily Reflections, pg. 372

Seeing the Beauty and Goodness in Front of Us

We don't have to go far to find the treasure we are seeking. There is beauty and goodness right where we are. And only when we can see the beauty and goodness that are close by can we recognize beauty and goodness on our travels far and wide. There are trees and flowers to enjoy, paintings and sculptures to admire; most of all there are people who smile, play, and show kindness and gentleness. They are all around us, to be recognized as free gifts to receive in gratitude.

Our temptation is to collect all the beauty and goodness surrounding us as helpful information we can use for our projects. But then we cannot enjoy it, and we soon find that we need a vacation to restore ourselves. Let's try to see the beauty and goodness in front of us before we go elsewhere to look for it.

--Henri Nouwen

Nurturing a Sense of Belonging

Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and purposeless.

The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter.

TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 105
copyright AAWS

The Equation of Love

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47

I was always fascinated with the study of scientific principles. I was emotionally and physically distant from people while I pursued Absolute Knowledge. God and spirituality were meaningless academic exercises. I was a modem man of science, knowledge was my Higher Power. Given the right set of equations, life was merely another problem to solve. Yet my inner self was dying from my outer man's solution to life's problems and the solution was alcohol.

In spite of my intelligence, alcohol became my Higher Power. It was through the unconditional love which emanated from A.A. people and meetings that I was able to discard alcohol as my Higher Power. The great void was filled. I was no longer lonely and apart from life. I had found a true power greater than myself, I had found God's love. There is only one equation which really matters to me now: God is in A.A.

From Daily Reflections
Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.

When I was driven to my knees by alcohol,I was made ready to ask for the gift of faith. And all was changed. Never again, my pains and problems notwithstanding, would I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by God's love; I was alone no more.

Bill W., Letter, 1966
c. 1967 AAWS, As Bill Sees It, p. 51

The Power to Choose

We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life experience, and of our surroundings - that these are the sole forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to freedom. We have to believe that we can really choose.
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"As active alcoholics, we lost our ability to choose whether we would drink. We were the victims of a compulsion which seemed to decree that we must go on with our own destruction.

"Yet we finally did make choices that brought about our recovery. We came to believe that alone we were powerless over alcohol. This was surely a choice, and a most difficult one. We came to believe that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity when we became willing to practice A.A.'s Twelve Steps.

"In short, we chose to "become willing," and no better choice did we ever make."

From As Bill Sees It Copyright AAWS
1. GRAPEVINE, NOVEMBER 1960 - 2. LETTER, 1966

Moving from Fear to Love

As a young adult, I considered myself an agnostic -- I didn't know if God existed or not, at least that is what I told myself. In 1975 I become a part of 12 Step Recovery and at each meeting I heard the words "God" and "Higher Power." I grimaced, I had an attitude -- I internally ridiculed and mocked whoever spoke such words thinking how queer it was.

As I endeavored to work The Program, however, I discovered that my proclaimed agnosticism was really a cover up for fear. I did, in fact,believe in God, but I didn't want to, because my Higher Power was a punishing God. The song tells us that Santa Claus "knows when you've been good or bad so be good for goodness sakes." Well, that also described my Higher Power.

I had spent years and years convincing others how good I was, but I knew and therefore God knew about all the "little bads" (telling my brother to stick his lip on the ice cube tray and when it pulled off some skin feigning ignorance and compassion-- "Oh, you poor thing, I didn't know that would happen." Or the little deceits such as paying someone a compliment and then making fun of that person in my head. Or pretending to always be happy, good, and loving -- when I felt just the opposite). I saw myself as a phony and God knew about the deception.

Therefore, if I believed there was a God, then I was in trouble because He was keeping track and knew that I was deceitful, dishonest, and not the person I pretended to be. And since, "He knows when you've been good or badŠ" I was in for some big time punishment. My greatest moments of inner terror occurred after my second child was born. I had two healthy children (first a girl, then a boy, just what I wanted). I had a successful husband, a lovely home with two cars in the garage, etc., etc.

My fear: payback time. And what better way to get back at me than through my children. So each day I awoke riddled with fear -- is today the day God will strike one of my children with an incurable disease? I lived this way for months and it was pure agony.

My turning point came at a 12 Step Retreat weekend when my son was about nine months old. I heard the main speaker talk about God saying "God loves me no matter what." That got my attention -- I had believed that I had to be good to get love, from my parents, from God, from everyone. Unconditional love, what a concept! My spiritual awakening was not a bolt of lightening. But it began that day as I chose to open to an unconditionally loving Higher Power.

It was a lot like the soaker hose I use in my garden. When I turn it on, you can hardly see the water that is dripping out, but in the morning the ground is saturated. Opening to an unconditionally loving Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, has allowed me to feel saturated with God's love. It has opened me to a love far beyond what I had ever received on this earth plane.

I no longer believe there is a punishing God -- my Higher Power loves me no matter what! I am profoundly grateful that I have had a spiritual awakening. Instead of the fear I once felt, I now only feel love.

Meryl Hershey Beck
www.energizedforlife.com

Feel the Pain, then Go On

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.

Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.

These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.

We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Recovery is a Chance at a New Life

"Narcotics Anonymous offers addicts a program of recovery that is more than just a life without drugs. Not only is this way of life better than the hell we lived, it is better than any life that we have ever known." Basic Text p. 103

Few of us have any interest in "recovering" what we had before we started using. Many of us suffered severely from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Getting high and staying high seemed like the only possible way to cope with such abuse. Others suffered in less noticeable but equally painful ways before addiction took hold. We lacked direction and purpose. We were spiritually empty. We felt isolated, unable to empathize with others. We had none of the things that give life its sense and value. We took drugs in a vain attempt to fill the emptiness inside ourselves. Most of us wouldn't want to "recover" what we used to have.

Ultimately, the recovery we find in NA is something different: a chance at a new life. We've been given tools to clear the wreckage from our lives. We've been given support in courageously setting forth on a new path. And we've been given the gift of conscious contact with a Power greater than ourselves, providing us with the inner strength and direction we so sorely lacked in the past.

Recovering? Yes, in every way. We're recovering a whole new life, better than anything we ever dreamed possible. We are grateful.

Just for today: I've recovered something I never had, something I never imagined possible: the life of a recovering addict. Thank you, Higher Power, in more than words can say.

Just For Today Daily Meditation is the property of Narcotics Anonymous ©1991 by World Service Office Inc.