On Letting Go

"Much of the difficulty we experience for which we seek professional help, comes from carrying around a lot of outdated, useless, and often defeating "baggage" from our past. We tend to hang on to what we know, what is familiar. We hang on to our hurts, our resentments, our fears. We carry them around with us, or attach to them like a balland chain.

We think about past hurts. We worry about future catastrophes. We agonize over losses. We fret about conflicts. We criticize or harshly judge ourselves as well as others. We continue to engage in habits we know are bad for us. We feel hurt when people reject or abandon us. We are sad when what we offer others is refused. We continue to relive past traumas, and act as if they were repeating themselves today.

Why do we do all this? Why don't we just "let go" of it all and live in the present moment, responding to whatis happening around us now, and not to some memory, image, or habit? Why is it so hard to "let go." of our pathology? Perhaps we don't really know what "letting go" really means.

After ruminating..., I began rummaging (instead of ruminating) around in my files. Happily, I found what follows in a handout given at a seminar for adult, female, children of alcoholics. The author is apparently unknown. But it is the best _expression of "letting go" I have ever seen. I have added some meanings.

TO "LET GO" TAKES LOVE

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means to accept that I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it is the realization I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from the natural consequences of the choices we make.

To "let go" is to acknowledge that which I cannot change, and pursue that which I can.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is out of my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To "let go" is not regret the past nor fear the future, but to grow and live in the present.

To "let go" is to forgive, not to condone.

To "let go" is to free myself of my collection of past hurts and resentments.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

Perhaps each one of us could use a little more practice at letting go."

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. hwho as 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area presented in "Practical Psychology." Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.