The Two Great Lessons of Life

From the Alcoholism and AA Recovery Page:

The Two Great Lessons of Life

"It" is not personal;

and

Everyone is doing the best they can.

"It" happens, but "it" is not personal. "It" is simply the luck of the draw. If I had not been there at that certain place, at that certain time, "it" would have happened anyway.

"It" is like a tree falling in the woods. If I am there and it falls on my head, I think God is punishing me. But if I am not there, the tree falls anyway. Well, I am not "there" 99 percent of the time. It is just that I am so self centered that I think only of those things that happen in my immediate environment, and then attribute that happening to have happened just because I was there. Self-centerness, this is the root of our problem (since we quit drinking)

"It" did not happen because I was there or wait till when I got there. "It" has nothing to do with me. This is the first great lesson of life. "It" 'is not personal.'

The second great lesson of life is: "Everybody is doing the best they can." We all do what we think we have to do to get what we want. Most of the time this is not delaying our gratification. Psychologist have long known that "behavior is purposeful." Usually the reason we do not do any better is because we do not know any better. Knowing in this case may be emotional experience as well as intellectual knowledge.

In those cases where we do know better, but do not do better, we simply have made a poor decision in not delaying our gratification. We mistakenly think that in our case there is nothing to be gained by deferring our gratification and doing the healthy thing until we get the healthy reward.

People do not hate us. They are not against us. Living life among them is not some sort of competition. They do not act the way they act because they are trying to get ahead of us. They are afraid and resentful and they act the way they act because they think this is the only way they can scratch out an existence in what they perceive to be a cold, forbidding world. They simply do not believe that we love them enough to support them and nurture them if they let go and let God.

It is senseless to be angry and resentful toward people who are doing the best they can. They are worthy of forgiveness--it is we who are at fault for trying to find a reason to degrade them.

Our job is to expend enough energy in trying to understand them that we have no room left in our conscious minds for anger and fear. As we then actually do come to understand them, we see why they acted as they did. We probably agree that if we were in their shoes, working with their knowledge, belief systems, and attitudes, we would have acted the same way. Many times, as others see us making this supreme effort to understand them, they become more trusting of us and more willing to let down their guard and let serenity in.